juillet
— july 6th, 2015
now playing: bigbang's sober
my plan for this (half-)month is to write everything i need to write periodically in lieu to to my birthday on the 11th because i think it's gonna take a little while. i kinda planned to have this written by the start of july but... yknow...,,,... *cold sweat* procrastination.....
yeah. it's a birthday. it's a common annual occurrence. the big deal is that i'm turning 17 this year which means i'm gonna be legal, i'm gonna have my ID and driver's license, i'm gonna graduate, tl;dr i'm gonna make some of the biggest choices in life this year. (speaking of drivers license i think mom's gonna tell my dad to teach me since all he's gonna do is sit back and laugh...)
many of my friends threw big parties to celebrate it. considering that i hate a) being in large crowds b) being the center of attention and c) having to deal with formalities, i think i'm gonna stay in front of my laptop all day watching dramas, feed my pups, and eat ramen for dinner. maybe barbeque if mom and dad's at it... nothing really big, i guess.
list of things to write in the next 5 days:
— july 7th, 2015
now playing: seungri's gotta talk to u
*is supposed to catch up on my indie playlists but ends up downloading ri's whole discography*
aka a_supposedly_shitty_song_but_surprisingly_not.mp3 lmao it's actually pretty good aside from the hustlin part which takes up like 70% of the song i'd probably drown myself in the whole album for the next month
(also, which God do i sue for this.)
riiiight. after a whole lot of consideration i think i'm gonna let the post stay as it is. usually after writing a long piece i'd cut the unnecessary parts and edit the rest, but now i'm gonna erase typos and minor wording mistakes, not a whole paragraph. idk it's more... real that way, i guess?
okay, moving on.
random thoughts while backtracking my posts... uh. i did say i'm not the type to do revenge. i don't see the joy in seeing people suffer the same fate as i did, or worse. i'd rather deliver a more... tender revenge. i want them to feel what i've felt - e.g if your friend pushed you off a cliff and you get injuries, you'd rather that friend feel your.. mental pain and feelings of betrayal? something like that.
i kinda need to work on my anger management issues sigh talking w/ people who mind a lot about formalities and hierarchy really provokes my anger
— july 8th, 2015
now playing: seungri's gg be
the lyrics are so cute i'm gonna pUKE help
but knowing these two you might see them camping on a bookstore, skimming through poetry and novels, while talking about their thoughts. (which did happen)
i realized that i haven't talked about my honest thoughts for a while, and the book titles helped me remember what i needed to vent about. just a good hour of sitting on the floor and talking about books, quotes, thoughts, events, friends.
sigh. night changes in the blink of eye.
— july 9th, 2015
now playing: jonghyun's 2:34am
by some great coincidence when i woke up i found this song. the song's roughly about a group of friends... like really old friends just drinking after such a long time, and reminiscing about the good times they had in the past.
self evaluation? ha. i'd say i'm getting better at controlling my emotions. i'm pretty chill nowadays except if you overstep your boundaries - then i wouldn't hesitate to take proper action. i can now maintain eye contact for like 5 secs... uh i can also order pizza by myself now. srsly though i'm learning to organize things so that i can minimize the clutter that is my mind because i keep remembering useless things.
i don't think i can fix my overperfectionism though... in fact i think it's gradually worsening... i can't even finish something without scrapping it at least a dozen times before i'm close to the feeling of satisfaction............ what do i do
— july 10th, 2015
now playing: gd/top's baby good night
idk i feel exceptionally happy yesterday bcs after a while i met my dogs and one of them brought a ball to me bcs he wanted me to throw it for him (!!!!!!!!!!!!) and my group chat is suddenly active even tho it lasted only like 15mins but i get to hear everyone sighs everything is good thank God (although i missed out last night's skype-meeting bcs i fell asleep while starting my laptop ;___;)
dogs... pandas... bunnies... i even listen to the cheesiest love songs like shinee's romance and taehyun's confession. when have i grown to be such a fluffball lover
it's 5 mins to my birthday but still 12 hours before i turn 17... so.
thank you for staying by my side; my parents, grandparents, cousins, best friends, dogs acquaintances, people who had helped me at some point in the past. i pray that one day i'll be able to repay everyone's kindness equally and minimize the margin of errors i will be making in the future.
tomorrow will be a normal day, for me, you and everyone else in the world. and nothing makes me happier than seeing everyone being able to lead a normal life.
— july 11th, 2015
happy birthday, me. i hope you can find a solution to all your problems and worries.
now playing: bigbang's sober
my plan for this (half-)month is to write everything i need to write periodically in lieu to to my birthday on the 11th because i think it's gonna take a little while. i kinda planned to have this written by the start of july but... yknow...,,,... *cold sweat* procrastination.....
yeah. it's a birthday. it's a common annual occurrence. the big deal is that i'm turning 17 this year which means i'm gonna be legal, i'm gonna have my ID and driver's license, i'm gonna graduate, tl;dr i'm gonna make some of the biggest choices in life this year. (speaking of drivers license i think mom's gonna tell my dad to teach me since all he's gonna do is sit back and laugh...)
many of my friends threw big parties to celebrate it. considering that i hate a) being in large crowds b) being the center of attention and c) having to deal with formalities, i think i'm gonna stay in front of my laptop all day watching dramas, feed my pups, and eat ramen for dinner. maybe barbeque if mom and dad's at it... nothing really big, i guess.
list of things to write in the next 5 days:
- letters to people
- self evaluation
- thoughts
- wishes
— july 7th, 2015
now playing: seungri's gotta talk to u
*is supposed to catch up on my indie playlists but ends up downloading ri's whole discography*
aka a_supposedly_shitty_song_but_surprisingly_not.mp3 lmao it's actually pretty good aside from the hustlin part which takes up like 70% of the song i'd probably drown myself in the whole album for the next month
(also, which God do i sue for this.)
riiiight. after a whole lot of consideration i think i'm gonna let the post stay as it is. usually after writing a long piece i'd cut the unnecessary parts and edit the rest, but now i'm gonna erase typos and minor wording mistakes, not a whole paragraph. idk it's more... real that way, i guess?
okay, moving on.
random thoughts while backtracking my posts... uh. i did say i'm not the type to do revenge. i don't see the joy in seeing people suffer the same fate as i did, or worse. i'd rather deliver a more... tender revenge. i want them to feel what i've felt - e.g if your friend pushed you off a cliff and you get injuries, you'd rather that friend feel your.. mental pain and feelings of betrayal? something like that.
i kinda need to work on my anger management issues sigh talking w/ people who mind a lot about formalities and hierarchy really provokes my anger
— july 8th, 2015
now playing: seungri's gg be
the lyrics are so cute i'm gonna pUKE help
hm, why are you getting off from a black car that gives me a bad feeling?ok so i went on another adventure w/ kiki!! if i remember correctly this is the 3rd time we're going out by ourselves (yes, by ourselves. i mean public transport and such), this time we went to do a survey for our group project and for this we almost plucked our leg joints off because we've walked a grand total of around... 2km? 3? anyways we ate ramen and bought books so all is well.
oh, when i asked you who that was, you said your dad gave you a ride after he ended work
i guess you call your dad 'darling' as well
but knowing these two you might see them camping on a bookstore, skimming through poetry and novels, while talking about their thoughts. (which did happen)
i realized that i haven't talked about my honest thoughts for a while, and the book titles helped me remember what i needed to vent about. just a good hour of sitting on the floor and talking about books, quotes, thoughts, events, friends.
sigh. night changes in the blink of eye.
— july 9th, 2015
now playing: jonghyun's 2:34am
by some great coincidence when i woke up i found this song. the song's roughly about a group of friends... like really old friends just drinking after such a long time, and reminiscing about the good times they had in the past.
self evaluation? ha. i'd say i'm getting better at controlling my emotions. i'm pretty chill nowadays except if you overstep your boundaries - then i wouldn't hesitate to take proper action. i can now maintain eye contact for like 5 secs... uh i can also order pizza by myself now. srsly though i'm learning to organize things so that i can minimize the clutter that is my mind because i keep remembering useless things.
i don't think i can fix my overperfectionism though... in fact i think it's gradually worsening... i can't even finish something without scrapping it at least a dozen times before i'm close to the feeling of satisfaction............ what do i do
 |
| i'm actually this panda. this panda is actually me. |
— july 10th, 2015
now playing: gd/top's baby good night
idk i feel exceptionally happy yesterday bcs after a while i met my dogs and one of them brought a ball to me bcs he wanted me to throw it for him (!!!!!!!!!!!!) and my group chat is suddenly active even tho it lasted only like 15mins but i get to hear everyone sighs everything is good thank God (although i missed out last night's skype-meeting bcs i fell asleep while starting my laptop ;___;)
dogs... pandas... bunnies... i even listen to the cheesiest love songs like shinee's romance and taehyun's confession. when have i grown to be such a fluffball lover
it's 5 mins to my birthday but still 12 hours before i turn 17... so.
thank you for staying by my side; my parents, grandparents, cousins, best friends, dogs acquaintances, people who had helped me at some point in the past. i pray that one day i'll be able to repay everyone's kindness equally and minimize the margin of errors i will be making in the future.
tomorrow will be a normal day, for me, you and everyone else in the world. and nothing makes me happier than seeing everyone being able to lead a normal life.
— july 11th, 2015
happy birthday, me. i hope you can find a solution to all your problems and worries.
